Remembering Darryl

here (what else can I say?)

What irony ...

How ironic is it when the song that I can't get out of my head and keep singing to myself is "Sing Me Spanish Techno", by The New Pornographers, which contains the lines

"if only to punish you
for listening too long to one song
listening too long to one song"

(which in fact are the some of the lines I keep singing ...)

What a day!

I woke up to radio news of thwarted terrorist attacks. Then I went online to read more about it, and heard that people were complaining about not being warned and that they lost their makeup, with the sudden restrictions on liquids in carry-on luggage (isn't not getting blown up a little bit more important than having to buy new makeup?)

Then it seemed that the crazies (well, one actually) on an online forum I frequent had become crazier still...

Then my day at work was so busy and demanding it made me yet again thankful I don't have to do this for too much longer (this sort of family medicine that is) - it's exactly the kind of stuff I quit last fall...

Then I heard at lunch that they found Darryl's body, which brought back all the sadness of last fall, but in the end it must bring some closure to Sue and to Darryl's family.

Then someone told me at the end of the day that there was a full moon last night, perhaps it explains my day ...

South American Penguin rescues

Penguins waddle back to the sea after oil spill clean up

(coming soon ... Ani DiFranco concert)

Canoeing :-)

Ed and I took a beginner canoe course this weekend, through the City of Edmonton, at Hermitage Park. Those of you who know me via Guiding might be asking, why would she be taking a beginner canoe course? (ie. hasn't she already taken the basics multiple times through Guiding?) And you would be right - a few years ago, I even completed the CRCA Flatwater A-C certification (and a year or 2 before that I did a course where we probably even completed the D level as well but weren't being CRCA-certified). But, I never have any opportunity to practice, and Ed has never taken any canoeing course, so we thought it would be a good idea for him to get the basics. That way, if we rent a canoe again and they insist (as usual) that the guy has to go in the stern, we won't be going in circles as we usually did whenever Ed would try to steer :-).

So, it was a good review for me, and Ed found it very useful - he now has confidence that he mostly knows what he's doing. And they shifted the time from 1-4 pm to 9-12 pm each day - so as it turned out we didn't get stuck out in the rain today, bonus.

A reasonable request ...

All I want to do before I take any questions is ask that everybody take a step back - I don't know what your position is now, and I wouldn't blame you if you were a bit skeptical because of what cycling has been through in the past and the way other cases have gone - but all I'm asking for, just for me, is that I be given a chance to prove that I'm innocent. Cycling has a traditional way of trying people in the court of public opinion before they get a chance to do anything else. I can't stop that but I would like to be assumed innocent until proven guilty, since that's the way we do things in America.

- Floyd Landis (as quoted in Cycling News).

It's hard to know what to think, Landis certainly comes across as the type of rider who wouldn't resort to doping, but then again what do we really know about any of these riders to be able to say "so-and-so would never do that, they don't seem like the type"? Some random thoughts:
1) Rumour has it that actually his testosterone level was low overall, but it was the ratio to the marker substance in the body (epitestosterone) that was high. I'm not sure exactly what that would imply, but I think it illustrates the difficulty in testing and catching people for using hormones naturally found in the body, they can't go by absolute levels and instead have to resort to other techniques.
2) There have been several athletes who have had their positive test for testosterone overturned because they were able to prove they have normally high levels of testosterone. Some of the things that have been shown to naturally raise testosterone levels include alcohol (Landis had previously admitted to having a beer after his really bad day in the mountains, which was the night before the stage he blew everyone away and the night before this test was done), and exertion (again, the test is from the stage when he powered away from everyone, lots of exertion there).
3) I wonder frequently where the line should be drawn in terms of catching doping athletes. In medical statistics we learned about sensitivity and specificity for testing, where sensitivity "refers to how good a test is at correctly identifying people who have the disease" (or are doping in this case), and specificity is "concerned with how good the test is at correctly identifying people who are well" (or who aren't doping). I'm sure that the tests they're currently using probably have both high sensitivity and specificity, but it's never 100% so there's always the possibility of false positives (meaning that innocent athletes can get banned from competition), as well as false negatives (meaning that some dopers don't get caught). Then, there is rampant speculation that dopers are using techniques so that there isn't actually any of the banned substance in their bodies at the time of a test, or that they're using substances for which there aren't any tests yet, or techniques (like blood transfusions) that really can't be tested for directly and it ends up being the police investigations (like Operation Puerto) that catch them (if at all). Which would mean that the overall sensitivity of drug testing in sports could be fairly low, and yet there's still the possibility of false positives with the tests they do have ... so what's more important, sacrificing a few innocent athletes in order to have a better chance of getting all the dopers, or trying to ensure that it's only the dopers that get caught and punished. I'd say the latter, but I wonder sometimes if that's the case at present. From a conference I attended in May, it seems as though a lot of administrative effort goes into processing the exemption forms for bronchodilators and corticosteroids which have questionable performance enhancing effects - maybe they need to make more effort changing the culture overall.
4) Are we expecting too much from athletes? Is the Tour de France really too hard (ie. through the mountains) as world champion Tom Boonen suggested during this year's Tour before he abandoned (in the mountains)? -sorry, can't find a link at the moment.

Anyway, I'm kind of glad the DP Forum is down for the moment, I'd spend too much time reading about this case if it were up and running :) , and I've got other things to think about - like our getaway next weekend to Panorama ! We *were* going to go camping to Mt. Robson provincial park in BC, but we didn't get around to making a reservation in time, and it's not like there are a lot of other options there if all the first-come first-served sites are full for a long weekend ... so we made other plans instead. For some reason I really love the Radium-Invermere-Panorama area so it's always great to go back there again :)

A month later...

I was going to post on my birthday, about how it was such a day of mixed emotions - nice to spend time with family, but I had to work that day, nice that the Tour de France was going to start the next day, but there was a big doping scandal that took out a number of the top contenders (on my birthday no less). But obviously I never got around to it ...

Busy watching the Tour for the last few weeks, as well as working pretty much full-time again. The Tour was the most exciting one that I've ever seen, as the outcome wasn't essentially predetermined. My favourite rider for the overall (Aussie Cadel Evans) ended up 5th, which is really good considering he was 8th last year (but there were a lot who suddenly had expectations that he'd do even better given the strange circumstances of a number of riders missing from the Tour). And my favourite sprinter (Aussie Robbie McEwen) ended up winning the green jersey, as the top rider in the points competition (points given each stage depending on your placing rather than the time, you could say it measures the consistency of finishing near the top - the overall contenders will often finish in the middle of the pack on flat stages for example).

As for working, well, I've realized yet again that the job I'm going to in September will be a good thing for me ... I'm starting to feel similar fatigue and frustration to when I had my own practice, the thought that I only have just over a month to go is what's getting me through. At least I'll get paid on Friday ... they made a mistake in registering me properly through the computer system when I started for July, so the first set of billings to Alberta Health was entirely rejected, then when they tried to fix the problem the next set of billings missed the payment deadline, but it looks like everything went through ok this time. I think I might have gone on strike otherwise ;-)

And I'm nearing the point of giving up on the pregnancy thing, I just can't deal with the expectations and hopes of being pregnant and then the cruel disappointment each month when it doesn't happen (like today for instance, I was so sure this was going to be the lucky month). I'm not sure I want to spend tons of money for alternative ways to experience the same disappointment ...

I think I'm starting to sound really sorry for myself, and I'm not generally like that, so I'd better stop now :-). Maybe I'll go watch a movie or something (I've got a bunch recorded that I haven't had a chance to watch yet)...

Triathlon photos

... not quite the sunflowers of the Tour de France, but the canola field starting to bloom in the background is kind of pretty too. And I'm just past the turnaround point (ie. had to slow down for a 180 degree turn) or I'd be more aerodynamic :-).

Race Report - Leduc Women's Triathlon

I read somewhere that it's not the night before a big event when it's the most important to get a good night's sleep, but actually 2 nights before ... then you don't have to worry if you have trouble sleeping because you're nervous or because your neighbours always seem to have really loud parties on nights when you need to get to sleep early (yeah, that happened last night - they were still loud past 2 am. We think next time we'll yell out the window at them ... but we were too tired and that would have made us wake up fully last night ...). So, having to wake up at 6 am was difficult ...

Pretty nifty when the race organizer comments that you have a really good-looking bike as he's walking around while your bike is getting checked over by the techs. When they asked in the pre-race meeting, it looked like maybe a quarter to a third of the 120-or-so participants were doing their first triathlon ... maybe that's why Ed says my bike was among the best of the "bike porn" (ie. bikes that are admired by others and nice to look at), a few Cervelos and other Treks, but not a lot.

And I'm not used to not having to start really early (ie. 7-8 am) at a triathlon - my heat time was 10:20 am so I had a few hours to watch others and get ready before I had to race (we had to be set up in transition by 8:15 am, then there was a pre-race meeting at 8:30am, and the first heat was at 9am). Not only then was there time for it to get warmer outside by the time I was racing, it was also a much warmer day overall than 4 weeks ago for the last tri - today it was already 21 C when I started and 24 C when I finished. I got a bit sunburnt, the spray-on sunscreen I tried in 1st transition didn't go on so well to wet skin. I guess I was being too nice in thinking I shouldn't really put on sunscreen ahead of time that could partially come off into the pool - better to protect myself rather than their pool next time!

I felt tired in the swim, though it improved the longer I swam, got into a groove so to speak ... and improved my 750 m swim time by over 20 seconds! Much better than Coronation in that there were only 4 to a lane (25 m pool) and we seemed to be well-matched and spread ourselves out fairly well, so didn't have to worry much about passing/being passed.

Ed wasn't there to yell encouragement at me for a fast transition, as he was volunteering on the bike course, and my transitions were pretty slow today - I kept thinking I must be forgetting something and rechecked several times before I left.

I felt pretty good on the bike, passed a couple of people on the initial flat stretch, then broke my speed record by going 58.5 km/h down the major hill. Going up the other side felt pretty good, and I made it to the turnaround (where Ed was) in about 23 minutes. Back down again I got to at least 50 km/h, and the major uphill was easier than I thought - I'd been worried that perhaps it was steep enough that I'd run out of gears and run out of energy, but that was far from happening. Then back onto the flat stretch again, and into transition, and the run ...

Amazingly enough, my leg was great - my shin (stress injury) didn't hurt at all during the run or afterwards, but I had a horrible abdominal cramp develop and had to powerwalk for about 10 minutes in the middle (guess I need to figure out something better to eat for breakfast). I was able then to run again without too much trouble, and ran all the way to the end ... think the run course was a bit less than 5 km actually because my run time was actually not as bad as I thought it would be, despite walking for so long. My final time was 1:52:27 (improvement of 7 minutes from my last triathlon of this distance), and Ed had finished his volunteer duties by then so was at the finish line even to greet me and take a photo. So, overall a good race for me, and well-organized.

addendum: overall results now here, 55th in the swim of 131, so I guess my future goal is to get my bike and run to match my swim placing :-). And I wasn't last! (oh, and the listed bike time would include both my slow transitions, my actual bike time for the 20 km was about 52 min).

Peter Reid retiring

Three-time Ironman Triathlon World Champion (and Canadian) Peter Reid announced his retirement recently - I've watched (online) the Ironman Worlds in Hawaii each October for the last few years, and will miss him in the races.

(and I really should stop procrastinating and finish getting ready for my triathlon tomorrow, the Leduc Women's Triathlon ... report and maybe some photos to follow, but Ed's volunteering on the bike course so he may only have one chance to take a photo of me on course, and then only if there's not lots of traffic to direct. I'm sure he'll get the "getting my transition area ready prior" and "after the race" photos though).

Longest Day of the year

Sunset here today was at 10:07 pm, now it's just after 11 pm and still twilight (ie. not fully dark). I remember when I was in Peace River in 1998 for part of my residency, in June it was still twilight even after midnight when I'd get called back to the hospital while on call - I think there it got dark about 2 am for a couple of hours only. These are the days I long for in December when it seems like it's dark all the time ...

Building confidence

Today was a day of training to build my confidence before Sunday's triathlon - on the weekend, Ed and I did a ride where on 2 hills I really tried to push it hard, and ended up crashing (figuratively) and burning for the most part :( . I guess I'm not cut out to emulate Jan Ullrich - need to spin more like Lance (for any non-cycling fans, Ullrich is known for pedalling at a lower cadence in a harder gear which requires more strength - Armstrong more for a higher cadence ie. spinning).

So today, I went back up those 2 hills again trying more of a spinning approach, and it went much better :) . And I broke my downhill speed record as well (55.2 km/h down to the zoo) - I could only ever hit mid-40's on my MTB and it took me a while to get the confidence on the road bike to let it go downhill that much faster ...

I also drove the bike course for Sunday again, after one of Ed's friends (with a lot of triathlon connections) was telling us how everyone thinks it's a really hard course. I thought when we drove it before that the uphill sections were long (all relatively speaking of course, not talking Tour de France here or even Icefields Parkway) but not super-steep ... so I was relieved to find again today that my recollection was correct. And the first half going out (and last half coming back) are pretty much flat, so I think it will be fine.

I don't like 25 m pools though (swam at the Leduc pool today too), I lose count of my laps too easily as I'm used to a 50 m pool ...

An interesting word ...

Weltschmertz - Sorrow or sadness over the present or future evils or woes of the world in general; sentimental pessimism.

This word was highly prominent in Canada a few weeks ago, when a local 14 year-old girl came 2nd in the American national spelling bee, misspelling "weltschmertz" to be eliminated. There were complaints via letters to the editor how it was unfair that the Americans could mispronounce "toque", or that they should have given Finola the Americanized pronunciation (w-sound) in addition to the correct/original one (v-sound) - amazing what brings out the conspiracy theorists (the organizers were obviously anti-Canadian, you know).

Last week, I thought about this word (and "ennui") when I was feeling somewhat down and unmotivated to do much of anything ... especially after my leg injury, I was incredibly tired, and was worrying too much about the "woes of the world in general". Maybe it was related to all the rain and cold we had last week too, I don't know - but feeling much better this week, no more weltschmertz nor ennui :-).

(and I was able to run today for just over 20 minutes, with only a few twinges and slight aching from my left lower leg that was injured ... so I should at least be able to manage the 5 km run in the triathlon on Sunday, even if then I can't run afterwards for another while).

"In Praise of Slow"

I just finished reading this book, by Carl Honoré, a Canadian journalist living in London (whose father was one of our pathology professors in med school). IIRC, I read a review of the book in the paper, where I was amused by the author recalling his initial joyful reaction to hearing that there was a collection available of "One Minute Bedtime Stories" and then his horror at realizing how obsessed with time he had become - and then interested to read how he grew up in Edmonton with a physician father (so figured out who that must be, as I mentioned, one of my prior profs). Of course, I bought the book months ago, probably before Christmas even, then started reading it when I was working at "Clinic C" (while I had a lot of time between patients initially).

Lots of interesting ideas, given that part of what I was trying to accomplish with leaving "Clinic A" was to slow down my life in a sense ... so good reinforcement to know I'm not the only one feeling as I did. A good summary, from page 275, "The secret is balance: instead of doing everything faster, do everything at the right speed. Sometimes fast. Sometimes slow. Sometimes somewhere in between. Being Slow means never rushing, never striving to save time just for the sake of it".

He mentions a University of Lethbridge prof who does "slow reading" by posting thoughts and insights on the internet after each of his reading sessions, thereby taking longer to read each book but finding a greater understanding and appreciation of the books by doing so. Which is kind of the reason why I've been posting stuff about various books and films here (at least sometimes), makes me think more about them and therefore absorb and appreciate them more.

We've been making an effort every so often to enjoy a really good meal at nice restaurants, sort of related to the "Slow Food" philosophy in a way - like when we ate at Lumière in Vancouver 2 years ago, taking the opportuntity of an evening port call to find a nice restaurant in San Jose (Puerto Rico) instead of eating on the cruise ship, or even when we went to the Catch Oyster Bar in Calgary 2 weekends ago. Can't afford to do that all the time (especially Lumière ;-) ), but really enjoyable on special occasions :-).

The difference between Canada and the US ...

you'd never see the US president sitting in the crowd and high-fiving fans at a sports event, without obvious security personnel everywhere ... photo from the Journal.

(Oilers won so Stanley Cup finals going to a 7th game tomorrow!)